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Intro -- Copyright -- Dedication -- Acknowledgments -- Introduction -- 1 And Baby Turns Three -- It talks! -- And it eats-some things, at least -- The two kinds of three-year-olds -- Toilet training... at last... finally, sort of -- Toothbrushes and other criminals -- Creative dressing: "This is what my public expects" -- How do you spell "independence"? I DO IT -- Scenes in public now that they can tell people how rotten you are -- Ranking scale of tantrums -- 2 At Day Care, They Call Me Batman -- Day care: an idea whose time has come -- The uses of a one-eyed bunny and a stack of cotton balls -- You are belly button lint, and the teacher is a goddess -- The red cup and other daycare social conundrums -- Speaking of Daddy... -- Daycare romances -- The things they can do at daycare and can't do at home -- 3 Your Life, Only Interrupted -- A simple trip to the store -- Clothes make the man -- New fashion trends you didn't think of -- Regular household chores in only twice the time -- The Arsenic Hour -- Nine consequences of picking up a magazine -- The new definition of class -- The fork in your briefcase: how the people at work now see you -- Things you never thought you'd say but now say all the time -- The telephone-why it's never your turn to talk -- 4 New Things to Worry About in the Middle of the Night -- 5 Life Is Nothing But a Big Fat Holiday -- Happy birthday presents to me... -- ... and okay, happy birthday presents to you, too -- Mother's Day -- The Halloween negotiations -- Scaring Santa Claus -- 6 Sitting Down to Supper and Jumping Up Again -- Life at the dinner table -- Okay, so here's the real story of dinner -- The pasta years-and years and years -- Purple mashed potatoes -- Fourteen known ways of making macaroni and cheese -- When kids cook -- Worm blood stew-or the joys of renaming foods.
7 Four Years Old: All That I Am, I Owe to My Preschool -- Life in the theater of the absurd -- Peer pressure -- Politics on the playground -- The witness protection program-or the new regime of daily life -- A pooster is a kid who's crying for his mother -- Birthday parties -- Talking about sex -- Death and the meaning of life -- 8 Your Life, Interrupted Even More -- Take bedtime-please -- A look around at your life -- Why we can't be on vacation when we're still in the driveway -- The vacation question derby -- The true story of baby-sitters -- Sick days-and nights -- The return to health -- 9 Signs You Live with a Preschooler -- 10 Life Among the Toys -- Lose the rubber chicken while you still have your brain intact -- Barbie and her lifestyle -- Breast-feeding the trucks at day care -- While you wait for them to play Scrabble with you, how about... Candy Land? -- Toy fads you never planned to fall for -- Stuffed animals everywhere you look -- The very worst toys -- Don't name the Mylar balloons -- 11 Just Some of the 437 Questions -- 12 Monsters, Bugs, and the Threat of Shampoo -- Monsters under the bed, behind the toilet, and in the heating vents -- The age of irrationality -- Explaining about bad guys without scaring everybody to death -- Bugs and the hourly bug census -- The bathtub chronicles -- What they worry about in the middle of the night -- Things you can only wish they'd be scared of -- Bad dreams -- 13 Yes, Virginia, There Is a Kindergarten -- Okay, there's a kindergarten-but it only lasts for thirteen minutes a day -- Kindergarten readiness -- Searching for Mr. Lunch Box -- The first day -- Cool stuff, like milk squirted out of the nose -- Living with an official member of the system -- Givesies, Backsies, and the Law of Jinx -- Show-and-tell -- This time, love is forever -- 14 Your Life, Now So Interrupted It's Not Even Recognizable.
You might be scaring single people -- Measuring up to Timmy's mom -- The fatigue -- Opposite Day -- The minivan -- Your telephone life -- The moth hospital in a shoe box and the Glad-to-See-You fish in the bowl -- 15 When I'm the Mommy and You're the Kid... -- Sneak Peak at THE SURVIVOR'S GUIDE TO FAMILY HAPPINESS -- Discover More -- About the Author.
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Preschool Confidential
